Stressed Out by twenty one pilots lyrics

This song speaks to me, I often reminisce about the good ol' days and being a kid transitioning into a teen in the 90s. I don't recall hearing about shootings all the time when I would watch the 10p.m news. Cartoons were so much better. I looked forward to Saturday morning cartoons. Now they don't exist. I use to record songs off the radio. I always hated when the DJ would take over the beginning of the song. "I'm not trying to hear you in my song." There was better music back then. Before auto tune, and talk singing. Women singers didn't resemble strippers like they do now.  And there was no social media, I don't think I would be able to survive my teen years today, with the way you can be cyber bullied. I  was call names like ugly, retarded and four eyed growing up. But imagine those words with horrible memes of you posted on computers and cellular devices. With that being said I would go back to the 90s with my 2016 knowledge and I would have pursued a literary career from the beginning. English was my best and favorite subject. I was drawing and writing stories at the age of 9. I should have honed my writing craft. Instead I decided to pursue computer programming which lead to failure and bad grades and dropping classes. While I was failing with ones and zeros, I could have been learning foreshadowing and other literary devices. It wasn't until after college, and futile attempts to become part of corporate America that I decided to write again. I did take some creative writing  classes. So twelve years ago, which also happened to be year of the ram (my Chinese zodiac sign) I wrote my first crappy manuscript. Four manuscripts later I still have this dream but I don't care if people tell me to wake up, you need to make money. I'm tired of being stressed out.

Unrequited

The flowers have long since wilted

Chocolate kisses have melted

You never came

I tire of plucking petals

Being a starry-eyed maid-in-waiting…

For you to come

Bleeding love?

My heart has turned tortoise shell

You took too long

The relationship sailed on

Leaving me to drown with insecurities

Midnight ramblings

Well it looks like 2015 won't be the year I break into the literary field. I am currently working on my fifth manuscript. I'm also thinking about tackling NANOWRIMO next month. I never seem to get past 6,000 words. At this point in my literary aspirations, I think I will just focus on writing the best novel that I can. I need to stop dwelling on landing an agent and so forth.  I have to greatest longing for my literary dreams to be more than just that. But I don't know. The whole self-publishing path I walked down three years ago, did nothing for my literary career. I guess I didn't know enough people  who read, and plus I don't have a great big publicity machine behind me. Heck, Amanda Hocking became a millionaire through self-publishing alone. Then she received a two million dollar contract from St. Martin. Press. I know that will not happen to the likes of me. I only sold maybe 10 copies. I know I will not be a viral sensation, millions will not retweet any of my blue moon tweets. My facebook page won't get astronomical views. Heck, I will not even win a writing contest. I've been entering since 2005. I doubt if my first page will ever be elevated to the next level on webook.  I have over 2000 readers on readwave, which  I appreciate. 2000 readers won't pique an agent's interest but at least there is somebody reading my writing. I will just keep trying. I've been dreaming for a decade. I'm almost forty and I don't know what else to do but write.

Lines

The Albatross

The Sprak Chronicles Part 1

The Girl Who Dreams

It is 2015 and I still have the same dream that I've always had. That is to write, well I do write almost daily. To be an author of books, mainly middle-grade fantasy. Of course most people will scoff at my dream. Or they'll say I don't know what I want to do. But that is not true. Writing is my passion. I have a creative mind and soul. My imagination is in overdrive. In my school days when the teacher would ask me a question my mind was in some other universe. And to this day my mind drifts to another place. Sometimes a character will walk through my cerebral corridor. Or I'll think  way to wax poetic about a ruby sunset.

There was a time when I was trying to have a regular, non-creative job. I use to apply to banks, and office type jobs but then I realize I am a creative person, I love to write. My heart isn't in to being crammed into a cubicle or being an account representative reciting a script over and over on the phone. I don't want to sell insurance. I don't want to be a manager. I don't want to try and compete with others for a job where no passion lies.

I've spent all of my twenties trying to get a  regular job, all the while my creativity was wilting. Not to reflect in the rear view  but I wish I would have nourish my creativity back then. Wrote more. Polish my manuscript and then maybe I would be further in  my literary career. Because honestly that is the only career I want. Right now I'm planted in the retail industry and I can feel the creativity ebbing like a tide. But I've been trying to keep the blooms of the my creativity. I'm working on completing my fourth manuscript. Sure my venture into self-publishing didn't yield any success but I won't give up on my literary dream. I am after all the girl who dreams.

Literary or bust.